Talking to children about an autism diagnosis can feel overwhelming, but it’s an essential conversation that helps foster understanding, acceptance, and empowerment. In this blog, we dive into a meaningful discussion with Andi Putt, an Autistic Speech-Language Pathologist, about how to navigate these early conversations in a neuro-affirming way. Andi shares insights on helping autistic children understand their identity, normalizing discussions about autism among peers, and practical strategies for explaining an autism diagnosis to young learners. Whether you're a parent, educator, or therapist, this conversation is packed with valuable takeaways you won’t want to miss!
Meet Andi Putt
Tara: Can you tell everyone a little bit about yourself?
Andi: I’m an SLP specializing in autism evaluations, which sets my work apart from many in the field. I spent 15 years in the schools managing caseloads and conducting evaluations before shifting to social media and running my own business—an unexpected but rewarding journey. While advocacy is now my main focus, I still conduct a few team-based private autism evaluations each month to stay connected to the practice.
Tara: Well, you do an awesome job of advocating and making things understandable, like why neurodiversity affirming is the way to go. I’m excited to dive into the important conversation of how to talk to peers, siblings, and autistic children about autism. Plus, we’ll explore some amazing resources to help along the way!
The Power of Early Conversations About Autism
Andi: When it comes to talking about an autism diagnosis, the earlier, the better. Just like with adoption, it should be an ongoing, open conversation—not something hidden. Keeping it a natural part of daily life helps remove stigma and fosters understanding.
Research shows that knowing they’re autistic can greatly improve a child’s mental health, helping them realize they’re not “doing things wrong”—their brain just works differently. In my home, autism is simply part of our vocabulary. We name traits, recognize reactions, and talk through experiences. For my neurodivergent son, understanding his fight-or-flight response gives him the power to self-regulate. The same goes for autism—giving kids the language to describe their experiences helps them embrace their identity and navigate the world with confidence.
Tara: Talking about autism early—both with autistic children and their peers—helps normalize it and fosters understanding. Young kids are naturally accepting, and open conversations set the stage for advocacy as they grow. My daughter, now 27, saw this firsthand—students from schools with autism programs became natural allies, stepping up to educate others. But just as we teach peers, we must also ensure autistic children understand their own diagnosis, empowering them with knowledge about their identity.
Talking To Autistic Kids About Their Diagnosis
Andi: It’s important to avoid treating autistic children as if they need to be “babied.” While many need support, they also deserve independence. Over-protecting them can unintentionally place neurotypical kids on a higher pedestal. Instead, focus on offering support and respecting their choices—some may want help, while others may not, and it's crucial to recognize and honor their preferences.
Tara: Starting conversations about autism early helps children understand their identity, even if they don't fully grasp the details at a young age. I spoke with Lindsay, an adult in her 20s, who shared how, in middle school, she struggled with mental health, loneliness, and self-doubt before discovering she was autistic. Her mom hadn’t realized they were withholding the diagnosis, thinking Lindsay was doing fine. Learning about her autism brought immense relief, giving her the understanding she needed to make sense of her experiences.
Andi: Many autistic girls internalize their struggles, making it harder for parents and teachers to notice. While school may have felt structured and manageable for me, I was diagnosed with autism at 39 and only then understood why certain things had always been harder for me. For many, knowing their diagnosis earlier could make a huge difference in understanding their challenges, especially as they face adult responsibilities like parenting, which can amplify burnout and exhaustion.
Tara: A year and a half ago, a high school acquaintance reached out after being diagnosed with autism at 53. He had no prior knowledge of autism and had always struggled with mental health, never suspecting a connection. Once diagnosed, he reflected on his past, realizing many childhood behaviors made sense. For him, the diagnosis was a revelation—confirming he wasn’t “bad” for his actions, but simply navigating the world through an autistic lens. His journey highlights how powerful self-discovery can be, even later in life.
Explaining Autism to Young Children
Tara: What are some simple, child-friendly ways to describe autism?
Andi: When explaining autism to a young child, start with the concept of differences they can see, like skin or hair color. Then introduce internal differences, such as how brains can work differently. For example, you could say, “Your brain is like green while others' are pink,” to spark their interest, then clarify that it’s just a difference inside the brain, and one type is called autism. Provide relatable examples like covering ears from loud sounds or needing breaks during recess. Emphasize that these are unique needs that others might not have, and offer specific supports, like noise-canceling headphones, that help them.
Tara: I love how you framed needing time alone as a personal need rather than being anti-social. It's important to allow space for this need, as many people experience sensory overload and need time to retreat. It's vital to normalize this for kids, letting them know it’s okay to have different needs.
Honoring Needs
Andi: Yeah, and it’s important not to make kids feel that taking care of themselves or needing recovery time is wrong. Ask them if they want to join the other kids or prefer alone time—what matters is honoring their needs. We shouldn't force kids to fit a mold by ignoring their needs to benefit others.
Tara: I like how you suggest asking kids about their needs. Sometimes, playground time can help them reset sensory overload, so they’re ready for the rest of the day. It’s important to listen to them instead of pushing them to join games just because it's considered the “right” thing to do. Over the years, we’ve learned how important this is.
Andi: When we force neurodivergent kids to join the group, it can dysregulate them further. Neurotypical kids use playtime to regulate themselves, but by not allowing neurodivergent kids a break, they become more dysregulated and less ready to focus when back in the classroom. It creates an imbalance in their needs during recess.
Individualized Support: What Works for One May Not Work for Another
Tara: This reminds me of my son, now 30, who was on an IEP for emotional behavior issues in elementary school. He was in a behavioral-based program with a point system, and when he lost points, he couldn’t go to recess. It was counterproductive; missing recess made it harder for him to regulate and learn. Behavioral approaches need to account for the need for breaks or alone time, and recess should never be taken away.
Andi: While some neuro affirming approaches discourage behavior charts, I think it should be up to the child. My son, for example, loves earning rewards like smiley faces at school, and it works for him. Recently, he struggled with a fitness task at school, so I made it his decision, offering a Minecraft reward. This shifted his mindset, helping him manage his anxiety and complete the task. It's about finding what works for each child, even if it's unconventional or seen as bribery. Empowering them with choices can help them feel more in control and motivated.
Meeting Kids Where They Are
Tara: I'm glad you brought that up. With my son, I felt like his experience was more punitive, especially when he lost everything. But I’ve also used incentives that he loved, like a new fishing pole, and it worked well. As you said, it’s important for the child to choose what works for them. For example, if someone took away my checklists, I'd feel the same negative effect. Structure should build them up, not feel punitive, and if it helps them succeed, it’s worth it.
Andi: Exactly. Kids who struggle with behavior charts won’t want them, while those who easily get positive marks will do it naturally. It’s not really changing behavior but providing feedback for things they’re already doing well. Kids who need different supports or structure may not respond well to this approach.
Tara: It depends on the child and being individualized in your approach, asking them when possible. So what are some common mistakes that adults make when explaining autism to a child and how can we avoid those?
Common Mistakes When Explaining Autism to a Child
Andi: The biggest mistake is using language that implies autism is something bad or wrong. We may not realize that words can carry negative connotations, so it's important to reframe our language. Autism is a difference, not a flaw. It's okay to need extra support, and there's nothing wrong with that. Be mindful of how you phrase things, such as saying, “I wouldn't change you. You're perfect just the way you are.”
If you make a mistake in your language, it's okay. Reflect on it, acknowledge it, and correct it with the child. Apologizing and explaining how you've reevaluated your thoughts can help foster understanding and growth.
Tara: I love that. It's something I hadn't considered much with younger kids, but as they grow, you can have a conversation, repair mistakes, and teach them that it's okay to be human. We can change our minds with new information. The neurodiversity movement is helping people recognize outdated practices, but some are resistant. Embracing a growth mindset is key—acknowledge when something needs to change and be open to evolving.
Andi: Definitely. Being on social media, I can see how my old posts don’t reflect how I would teach or say things now, and that’s okay. I've shared my past mistakes because it's normal to learn, change, and improve. It's great to take what you once did and do it better.
Tara: Learning something new takes baby steps—it’s okay to make progress gradually. Recognizing small steps forward is key, and everything will be okay. So what are the benefits of having open conversations with the child's classmates about autism? How does that impact inclusion and peer relationships?
Talking About Autism with Classmates
Andi: Before discussing a specific child’s autism, always seek permission from both the child and their parent. It’s important to protect the child's privacy. In cases of bullying, especially for kids who need a little bit of support but are not clearly disabled, explaining autism can help others understand. While it's ideal to discuss autism generally, you can point out that many kids may be autistic without everyone realizing it. Emphasizing that differences are okay and celebrating those differences can foster inclusion and reduce bullying.
Tara: I think that is perfect advice! When explaining autism to younger kids, start by discussing it in general terms. Emphasize that everyone is different and that's okay. Highlight that some kids may need extra help with things like talking or understanding emotions, but they also have strengths. This approach helps normalize differences and encourages empathy. What are some key messages to include when explaining autism to younger children, especially in a classroom setting? You've already touched on this when discussing talking to children about their own autism, but how would you approach it in a group setting?
Helping Kids Understand Autism Through Empathy and Regulation
Andi: When explaining autism to younger kids, I focus on clear differences like stimming or sensory overload. For example, I talk about how, when we're startled, like if a bear suddenly walked into the room, our bodies might react in big ways, like running or throwing things. I relate that feeling to situations autistic kids might experience—loud sounds or unexpected transitions, like leaving a favorite activity for PE.
I explain that their reactions aren’t something they control but are their body’s way of responding. We help them get “regulated,” which means calm and ready to learn. I encourage kids to empathize, understand outbursts, and support others when they're dysregulated, rather than villainizing them for reactions they can’t control.
Tara: Fight or flight outbursts are tough in the classroom, especially when neurotypical kids are trying to follow rules, and then a neurodiverse child’s behavior seems to break those rules. The way you described it with the bear is really helpful for young kids. If a child has an outburst, and other kids think, “This must be a bear moment,” it encourages empathy. They’ll be more likely to understand, “What if I felt that scared?” and respond with more compassion instead of confusion or frustration.
Now, related to that, you have some amazing resources for talking to a child about their autism and talking to peers about autism. So can you tell us what you have available?
Resources For Talking To Kids About Autism
Andi: For talking to kids about autism, I understand the stress parents feel, but there’s no wrong way to approach it. To ease anxiety, I offer “Understanding Autism Together,” with versions for therapists and parents. It includes a section on processing emotions and preparing for the conversation. My favorite part features stories where autistic kids talk about their experiences, easing the pressure on parents. These stories, with varying age-appropriate formats, grow with your child. For older kids (7+), I recommend the “Autism Handbook for Kids,” covering everything from fight-or-flight responses to autism characteristics and ableism. Lastly, I have a resource for talking about autism in the classroom, featuring worksheets and critical thinking questions to foster empathy and acceptance.
Tara: Those resources sound amazing, and I know everyone will be eager to get their hands on them! Where can everyone find you and your resources?
Andi: You can find me on Facebook and Instagram as Mrs. Speechie P, where I share lots of helpful info and resources. My website is MrsSpeeciep.com for more. I stay busy with advocacy and speaking about autism, but these are my main platforms!
Tara: Thank you for all the value you bring to the community, Andi! It was a pleasure talking with you!
Listen to the Podcast Episode #115
Andi’s resources for talking to children about autism
Autism Mom: From Diagnosis To Advocacy
Navigating The Autism Diagnosis
If you use visual supports in your classroom or home, you are going to want to sign up for this free Visual Supports Starter Set ASAP! Click here to have one sent to your inbox. Also, be sure to read more about visual supports and how they can help autistic children here.
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