Feeding challenges can be some of the most emotional and complex struggles for families and educators to navigate—especially when autism, ADHD, or ARFID are part of the picture. I sit down with Polina Shkadron, a speech-language pathologist who specializes in all three. We explore the deeper ARFID meaning—beyond just “picky eating”—and what’s really going on beneath the surface when kids have difficulty with food. Polina shares how trust, autonomy, and regulation play a powerful role in building positive food experiences. If you’ve ever felt stuck in the “just take a bite” cycle, this conversation offers a refreshing, compassionate perspective on supporting children in a way that honors their sensory needs and identity.
Meet Polina Shkadron
Tara: Polina, can you tell us a bit about yourself and how you started working with kids with ARFID?
Polina: Absolutely! I run a private practice in Queens, New York, and I’ve been working in the field for over 15 years. I’ve always been drawn to feeding challenges and wanted to learn more than what was being called “picky eating.” So I continued my education and got a second master’s degree in nutrition education. That’s where I really dug into topics like ARFID, trauma, and behavior change. I wanted to understand what’s really going on when a child has trouble eating.
Tara: That’s such a powerful journey. I know many of us who work with autistic children hear terms like “picky eater” all the time. But ARFID is something totally different. Can you explain the meaning of ARFID for those who are new to the term?
What is the Meaning of ARFID and Why is it Different from Picky Eating?
Polina: For sure. ARFID stands for Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. When people hear “avoidant” and “restrictive,” they get worried—especially parents—because they’re trying their best to help their child eat. But with ARFID, it’s not a choice. It’s not about being stubborn or just not liking a food. ARFID symptoms often include extreme fear or discomfort around food—so much so that kids may choose to go hungry rather than eat something that feels unfamiliar or scary.
Tara: And that’s why a typical behavioral approach—like “you can have dessert if you eat your peas”—doesn’t really work here, right?
Polina: Right. In fact, that can make things worse. Kids with ARFID need to feel safe. It’s all about building trust. And that trust has to be in three areas: trust in the adult, trust in themselves, and trust in the environment. If any one of those is missing, eating feels too risky.
Food as a Gathering: Exploring Past Experiences
Tara: You also mentioned something I loved—the idea of treating food like a “gathering.” That it’s not just about the food on the plate, but all the past experiences, feelings, and relationships that come to the table, too.
Polina: Yes! Every child brings their food history with them. That might be good experiences, or hard ones. That’s why I always start therapy by asking parents for a list of safe foods, foods the child used to eat, and a basic food log. From there, we build meals that include something familiar, something related, and maybe something new—but only when the child feels ready.
Tara: That’s such a kind and respectful way to approach feeding therapy. So often, we try to push or reward, thinking we’re helping—but we’re really just adding more stress.
Polina: Exactly. And we want to take shame out of the equation. Kids don’t want to feel different. They already know when their plate looks different from everyone else’s. When we give them the language to say things like “I have a particular flavor profile,” instead of “I’m picky,” it changes the whole conversation. It puts them in control.
The Role of Regulation and a Calm Environment
Tara: You also talked about how anxiety and regulation affect feeding. Can you explain that a bit more?
Polina: Sure! When a child is dysregulated—meaning their nervous system is stressed or overwhelmed—they aren’t in a place where they can try new things. Our bodies literally shut down digestion when we’re in “fight or flight” mode. That’s why it’s so important to create a calm, safe environment before even thinking about introducing new foods.
Tara: That makes so much sense. I’ve definitely seen kids who don’t eat at all during the school day, even if they have some of their safe foods. It’s the environment, not the food itself.
Polina: Yes—and the energy of the adults around them, too. If a parent or teacher is stressed about the child not eating, the child feels that. I always check in with both kids and adults about what’s going on in their bodies. It helps them feel seen, and it builds trust.
Why Celebrating Can Sometimes Backfire
Tara: That’s such a beautiful way to connect. And I love that you encourage families to have a “party on the inside” when a child takes a risk with food—not a big cheer on the outside that can feel overwhelming or make it about performance.
Polina: Right! We want the child to know that eating is for them. Not for mom, not for dad, not for the therapist. It’s about them owning their experience and having the confidence to take risks when they’re ready.
And when people cheer too loudly or suddenly after a child eats something, it can actually feel really uncomfortable. It’s so abrupt and unexpected that it can trigger other sensations—sensory overload, embarrassment, even a full shutdown. Suddenly the child’s done eating. They’re out. It’s too much.
Tara: I’ve definitely seen that happen. Not just with food, either. Sometimes kids are doing an activity for the first time and there’s too much praise or loud excitement—and it just shuts them down. So it’s really important to know the child. What kinds of input help them, and what kinds don’t?
And I was thinking about something—when we’re working with young kids in early childhood settings, sometimes we don’t know if they’ve been in feeding therapy or not. Parents often do a great job meeting their child’s needs at home with safe foods, but they don’t always share that with teachers. And at school, well-meaning staff might start pressuring them to eat more or try new things… without realizing how much damage that can do.
Polina: Yes! That’s a scenario I’ve seen again and again. A child might be eating a very limited diet—like only crackers and fish-shaped snacks. Then someone at school says, “You can have your cracker after you eat this carrot.” But that can undo weeks or months of slow, trust-building work.
Tara: Exactly. It’s not about the crackers or the carrots. It’s about the relationship the child has with food—and the trust that’s been built.
Polina: That’s right. And especially with younger kids who aren’t able to explain what’s going on, we need to watch their body language. Some will literally run out of the room when they see a new food. That’s communication!
Using Play and Sensory Experiences to Build Trust
One gentle way to start is by making food part of play, especially sensory play. A lot of kids love water, so I’ll set up a bowl of water and have them wash little foods like raspberries or grape tomatoes. They can toss it in, take it out, dry it off, do it again. There’s no pressure to eat it—just explore it.
Tara: I love that. It’s like combining sensory bins with food! You’re giving them a no-pressure way to interact with food first.
Polina: Exactly. And even if they don’t eat it that day, they’re building familiarity and comfort. I once worked with a baby who came in only drinking bottles. We started with water play and foods he could hold—like veggie sticks or pieces of fruit. He’d watch me and his mom handle the food, and over time, he began to mimic us. Not because we asked him to—because he felt ready.
Tara: That’s such a powerful example. And it shows how trust and routine can make a huge difference.
It’s About the Experience, Not Just the Food
Polina: Yes, especially with autistic kids who love routine. Even if the food changes, the routine stays the same—like washing the food first. I had a little boy who loved ripping kale leaves. We’d rub them with avocado oil, wash them, and just hang out. One day, he took a bite on his own, just because it felt natural.
Tara: That’s amazing. And I love that it wasn’t a forced thing. You were just in the moment with him.
Polina: Exactly. I’ve also worked with kids who enjoy food more when it’s served in a specific way. One little girl I see loves food on a stick. It started with blueberries, then strawberries. She helped wash them, slice them, and put them on a small skewer. It was playful, and she had ownership in the process.
Tara: That’s so fun. You need to come visit the Minnesota State Fair! We have everything on a stick—cheesecake, pizza, mac and cheese…
Polina: That sounds like the perfect research trip! For this little girl, it wasn’t just “I like strawberries.” It was: “I like the experience of preparing and eating them this way.” And that matters. Her dad said, “I’ll bring cut strawberries next time,” and I had to say, “No, please don’t!” The experience was what made it safe—not just the food.
Tara: That’s such a good point. It’s not always about what they’re eating—it’s how they’re experiencing it.
Keep It Calm: Why Low-Key Encouragement Works Best
Polina: And the thing is, when we rush to celebrate—clapping, cheering—it can actually interrupt that experience. Kids might think, “What just happened? Why all this attention?” It can be overwhelming and confusing. Instead, I always say: have a party on the inside. Keep your response calm and neutral.
Tara: That makes so much sense. Especially for autistic kids who might be sensitive to loud reactions—or who have a PDA profile, where attention or demands can backfire.
Polina: Right. I also remind parents: when your child tries something new, it’s not a performance. It’s their personal experience. If we over-celebrate, they may worry we’ll be disappointed when they don’t eat something the next time.
Tara: That’s such good advice. And honestly, even adults don’t want all eyes on them when they’re eating something unfamiliar. This reminds me of earlier when you said we bring our food history to every meal. That really stuck with me.
Listening to What Feels Fair
Polina: Yes. Every child has a food story. And that story comes with them to the table—every single time. It’s shaped by experiences, memories, fears, and successes. If mealtime always feels like a challenge or test, that becomes the focus instead of connection.
Tara: So true. And when kids say, “It’s not fair,” we need to hear that. Not correct them or explain it away—but actually listen.
Polina: Yes! I tell parents: “Let them feel heard first.” Then we can ask, “What would make meals feel more fair to you?” And we build from there. That’s how we start shifting the relationship with food—together.
Final Thoughts
Polina: At the end of the day, ARFID is not just about food. It’s about trust, safety, and autonomy. The goal isn’t to “fix” a child’s eating. It’s to build a relationship where they feel safe exploring food at their own pace. Every child deserves that kind of support.
Tara: Thank you so much, Polina. This was full of great ideas, real-life stories, and such a kind, supportive way of thinking about ARFID eating. I know so many people are going to learn and grow from what you shared.
Learn More from Polina
You can find Polina at playtolearnconsulting.com or follow her on Instagram and Facebook at @playtolearnconsulting. She shares helpful tips about ARFID, autism, executive functioning, and more—all through a play-based and relationship-first lens.
Listen to the Podcast Episode #121
ARFID & Autism With Lauren Sharifi Episode #112
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